Eberts Thumb

King Kong + Lost + frickin dragons - sensor of direction = King of the Lost World

A passenger plane crashes on a tropical island and explodes into a huge fireball. Fortunately the passenger section is almost nearly intact and nobody seems to be seriously hurt. Some people are dirty and a couple of people were bleeding a bit, but it was nothing a torn up shirt and a bit of pressure couldn't handle.

Once everyone gets their bearings, a group of survivors breaks off to look for the radio from the missing front section of the plane. The rest of the movie follows the group as they avoid giant spiders, man eating vines, giant scorpions, and frickin dragons. At each encounter, someone dies in a way that was completely avoidable. Eventually the are captured by a tribe of previous plane crash survivors. The tribe tries to sacrifice some of the current surivivors to the dragons, but not everything goes according to plan, and it becomes dragons vs. giant ape.

If you rented this movie hoping to see a giant ape for most of it, you'll be disappointed. The ape only appears briefly at the start and at the end. Also the ape effects are pretty poor, to the point where a man in an ape suit would have been better. The rest of the movie has enough unintentional laughs to keep you entertained though. I you love B-Movies (and I know you do since you are reading this), you'll enjoy King of the Lost World.

Eberts Thumb's Ratings
Entertainment: 100%	B-Movieness: 100%
Quality: 50%	Regret: 1%

El Chupacabra

King of the Lost World opens with a plane streeking towards a mountainous jungle island where it strikes a forested slope and bursts into flames. This island is "The Lost World", a prehistoric version of the Bermuda Traingle. The movie then cuts to the plane's wreckage, which considering the full speed crash into the side of a mountain, is remarkably intact. Nothing's on fire, people are calmly disembarking onto the beach with some bruises and scratches, the flight anttendants are handing out warm towels and packages of peanuts... Wait a minute, BEACH!? But the plane crashed into a mountain?! Well, when you think about it, it's likely that this low budget feature had to do their airplane wreckage scenes at an airplane graveyard in the Californian desert. That doesn't explain why everyone is still walking though.

We are treated to a poorly animated first look at the large menacing ape from the movies cover when it gobbles up a lady stuck in a tree still strapped to her airplane seat. It sucks when you somehow survive a 10,000 foot fall only to end up in King Kong's super-sized turd. Meanwhile, a take charge Australian has organized a search party to find the planes cockpit which managed to land on the other side of the island. This handily ensures that the search party will have to confront numerous dangers and more importantly it allows this movie to last the required 90 minutes.

After various encounters with exotic dangers, no doubt exactly out of Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World, the search party is captured by an island tribe. Wait, did I mention that the search party comes across a giant head of a dragon. Geez, how did I forget that? Wait... Holy shit!! Dragons?! Well, yeah, what else would complement a giant carnivorous ape better than dragons. It's like the movie The Black Hole, where the producers needed a black hole consuming the earth aaand an electrical monster. Well, King of the Lost World needs a giant carnivorous ape aaand dragons; rather than having a good story, toss together tons of mythical creatures, monsters, and natural disasters and hope for the best. I'm waiting for a movie with an influenza infected asteroid being orbited by undead killer bats heading straight for earth. A mysterious CIA type character is thrown in to add some further intrigue as if king kong and dragons were not enough. He has an alterior motive, a chrome 9mm, and large red remote detonater button, only the first of which he could have got past airport security.

The tribe needs fresh sacrifices for the dragons that live on the island. Holy shit!! Dragons? Oh we covered that? okay. Well, apparently if you feed the dragons one human female every four years they'll leave you alone; these dragons must have diets similar to the Olsen twins. As a reward for their offering the villagers receive protection from the monstrous ape which I had pretty much forgotten about at this point because I hadn't seen him for 70 minutes. A pretty sweet deal considering I'd be way more afraid of flying, fire-breathing dragons than a large hairy evolutionary relative that smelled like a sock.

If you guessed that the the movie ended with king kong circled by dragons while a nuclear bomb blows all of them up then I call liar on you because there's no way you could have guessed that. But it was one of the best explosive finales since The Da Vinci Treasure's Shroud or Turin escapade.

Another B-movie classic from The Asylum!

El Chupacabra's Ratings
Entertainment: 83%	B-Movieness: 90%
Quality: 35%	Regret: 10%

Crap Bag

So in this interpetation of King Kong he can apparently grow larger.  Despite only seeing him in the begining for about three seconds and then during the last 10 minutes of chaos he nearly doubles in size.  From being as tall as a tree to being bigger than a mountain.  Plus I think an army of dragoons would be trying to do more then just fly around the gorilla as he swats them down.  On a side note tribal cults make some pretty good drugs as they are able to convert most of the plane passengers to their little group.  So all and all the best way to take out a giant gorilla and a fleet of dragons is with a convenitly placed tactical nuke. 

Crap Bag's Ratings
Entertainment: 80%	B-Movieness: 90%
Quality: 35%	Regret: 5%

Charles Bronson

THE ASYLUM ENTERTAINMENTS DOES IT AGAIN.  WHAT A FANTASTIC B-MOVIE THEY MADE.  I GUESS WHOEVER RUNS THIS PONY SHOP MUST HAVE GOTTEN HIS ALLOWANCE FROM HIS MOMMY TO MAKE THIS CRAP.  THE SPECIAL EFFECTS WAS UP THERE WITH THE ACTING SKILLS ON POLKA DOT DOOR.  THE MOVIE STARTS OFF AS REALISTIC AS IT GETS.  APPARENTLY IF YOU'RE IN A PLANE WHICH IS GOING AROUND A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR INTO THE GROUND AND IT BLOWS UP YOU HAVE A GREAT CHANCE AT SURVIVING.  AT LEAST FIFTEEN PEOPLE SURVIVED WITHOUT A SCRATCH ON THEM.  WHAT IN HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE?  OH ASYLUM ENTERTAINMENTS, YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO AMAZE ME.  THE REST OF THE MOVIE JUST BRINGS YOU TO A WORLD OF SUSPENSE.  I WILL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET, THE SUSPENSE IS THAT YOU WILL NEVER FIGURE OUT THE PLOT.  MAYBE BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLOT.  I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THIS PRODUCTION BRINGS OUT NEXT.  I BET IT WILL HAVE OSCAR BUZZ ALL OVER IT.

Charles Bronson's Ratings
Entertainment: 80%	B-Movieness: 100%
Quality: 30%	Regret: 5%