Eberts Thumb

The main problem with Shadow Man is that it completely blows away any suspension of disbelief. Aparently there are two women that want to seduce Steven Seagal. They seem to like his no effort approach to romance. Steven Seagal being able to shoot down a helicopter with a 9mm and being able to put together a home made gun and cannon seem plausible after that. The plot of Shadow Man is that he's holding a deadly virus and his daughter is kidnapped, but all of that is forgotten pretty quickly and we watch Steven go to random places killing random people. If you are hard up for some Steven Seagal action, you can watch this. Otherwise watch any one of the other pseudo politically charged action movies out there.

Eberts Thumb's Ratings
Entertainment: 75%	B-Movieness: 80%
Quality: 30%	Regret: 50%

El Chupacabra

Wow, Ebert hit that one on the head. I'm pretty sure any scene where Segal had to walk more than 50 feet involved a stunt man and it's possible a nurse fed him between takes. When are we going to see Steven Segal kill 200 men in a row like back in the Under Siege days? He was also ex-CIA back then, but at least he would fight more and talk less. The best part was the helicopter he took out with his pistol from 1000 feet. We half joked that he'd do something like that and the helicopter would explode and then, boom, he jumps out of his car and does it. The worst part for me was listening to the excruciatingly slow delivery of Segal's lines. I think he's trying to come off menacing or wise or something, but it sounds more like he's had a stroke.

El Chupacabra's Ratings
Entertainment: 67%	B-Movieness: 84%
Quality: 55%	Regret: 45%

Eberts Thumb

Only retards

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