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Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Action, Action Horror, Comedy

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User Rating

Average Reviewer Ratings

Entertainment: 88%B-Movieness: 73%
Quality: 87%Regret: 0%
Snakes on a Plane

Quick Info

Running Time: 105 min.
Movie Rating: R
Country of Origin: United States

More Info at IMdB

Reviews

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Charles Bronson

Charles Bronson

THESE HIGH PAID WELL KNOWN ACTORS WANT TO JUMP OVER TO THE DARK SIDE OF REALLY BAD B-MOVIES. FIRST EDISON FORCE AND NOW THIS. WHAT'S GOING ON? WE EXPECT STEVEN SEGAL OR ANTONIO SABATO JR. IN THIS MOVIE BUT NOT SAMUEL JACKSON. DOES THIS GUY EVER SAY NO TO A MOVIE? BUT HIS MAIN PHRASE IN THE MOVIE WAS PERFECT. THIS MOVIE HAD LOTS OF FUNNY MOMENTS, WHICH MEANS LOTS OF FLAWS. I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GOT A ANACONDA ON THE PLANE WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING IT BUT THEY DID.
Crap Bag

Crap Bag

All I have to say is Samuel Mother #%*$king Jackson.  All that was missing was him either being attacked by the anaconda after the standard survival speech or him pimp slapping a snake with the body of a dead snake.  Note for any terroists out there it seems to be very easy to sneak hundreds of snakes on to a plane without airport security noticing.  Note for anyone going under the witness protection program.  If the agent assigned to you is a black guy whose indoor voice sounds the same as his outdoor voice wear full body armor.
El Chupacabra

El Chupacabra

This movie was great in terms of fun! I'm pretty sure it wasn't pretending to be something different, bigger, or better. I think of it as an A-movie homage to B-movies. It reminded me of that movie I saw with the bees on a plane except this had Samuel "Mother #$%ing" Jackson (as Crap Bag would say).

If you're a powerful Triad boss, the most roundabout way to kill the primary witness for the prosecution is to put thousands of Snakes on a Plane. What happened to blowing them up or shooting them. Why get thousands of snakes to slither around a plane and go after passengers wearing lei's sprayed with a pheremone that makes snakes super aggressive. Aren't the airlines suffering enough?

Luckily Samuel "Mother #$%ing" Jackson is around. The snakes find their way from the cargo hold to all corners of the plane. Can a snake climb a ladder? I want to believe they can't, but they are a thick coil of muscle. It starts with a couple in the plane's bathroom trying to join the Mile High club. Well, no one said joining the club meant having a snake attach itself to a nipple and a penis (always read the small print). Among the passengers, it was difficult knowing who would live and die. The cute newly-wed couple was killed rather brutally which made me sad, but the little baby with its delicious white meat survived. There was the rap star and his jocular and overweight bodyguards. A prissy girl with her chihuahua (OH, IT DIES!), the asshole businessman, the kick-boxer (??), the witness, and Samuel "Mother #$%ing" Jackson. They make it, but a lot more more non-descript passengers get pumped full of venom. Oh wait, the asshole businessman gets squeezed and swallowed by a boa constrictor and then sucked out the door. Okay, the rest make it.

With both pilots dead, one of the rap star's bodyguards who plays a lot of flight simulators lands the plane. I've played Microsoft Flight Simulator 98 and let me tell you, you do not want me landing a 737.

In the end, the wintess survives even though a snake bites him and Samuel "Mother #$%ing" Jackson shoots him in the chest. That's how Samuel "Mother #$%ing" Jackson operates.

Not to be confused with the movie made by our rip-off friends at Asylum, Snakes on a Train

El Chupacabra's Ratings
Entertainment: 88%B-Movieness: 73%
Quality: 87%Regret: 0%

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