Charles Bronson

WOW! SEAGAL MUST OF SUCKED OFF THE MANAGER AT MY LOCAL BLOCKBUSTER, BECAUSE THERE WAS ALMOST A FULL SHELF OF THIS CRAP THERE. I ASKED THE GUY WORKING THERE AND HE SAID WE WERE ONLY THE THIRD ONE TO RENT THIS. IF BLOCKBUSTER GOES BANKRUPT I WON'T BE SURPRISED. FATTY SEAGAL STILL THINKS HE'S GOT IT. THE ONLY THING HE'S GOT IS KETCHUP AND MUSTARD STAINS ALL OVER HIS CLOTHES. I WILL NOT GO INTO DETAILES OF THIS MOVIE, DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY THE PLOT OF A SEAGAL MOVIE. YOU ALL KNOW IT'S CRAP BUT WATCH IT ANYWAY FOR A GOOD LAUGH.

Eberts Thumb

The only notably thing about Mercenary for Justice is the plot, everything else was standard Seagal fare. Seagal never gets a scratch, his enemies just stand there waiting to get hit, he has a love-hate relationship with the girl in his team, but they don't have sex (not that anyones clamouring for a Stephen Seagal sex scene), he gets fatter throughout the course of the film, etc. All standard Seagal stuff.

What sets the plot apart is that unlike every other Seagal movie ever made, this one is overly complicated, and actually hard to follow. They start off with a CIA mission, and end up with a bank heist/kidnapping. It didn't help things that nobody explained why everyone wanted Seagal dead, but it was probably because they saw Half Past Dead, or Submerged, or The Foreigner.

El Chupacabra

Steven Seagal is definitely a mercenary in this movie. As for the justice part, not so much. He works for the highest bidder and his most recent job takes him to Africa where he kills a lot of French soldiers. His team is apparently betrayed by a high ranking CIA official. I never really got why they were in Africa fighting French people, but I did get that Seagal will shoot you, snap your neck, break both your wrists, make you punch yourself in the head, and then ask questions. Seagal escapes, but not before his sidekick is gunned down Platoon style.

The family of his fellow killed mercenary is kidnapped and Seagal is blackmailed into joining a team tasked with breaking free a Billionaire's son from an African jail. The leader of this group of mercs reminded me of that guy in the Simpsons who told Bart and Grandpa Simpson to "get a room fun boy".

It ends up turning into an Oceans Eleven knock off, but with 4000 times the bloodshed. There's the black tech guy and the requisite female whom Seagal does not have sex with as with all his movie love interests. He's more of a father figure to them and I'm almost 100% sure he gets turned on way more from putting blood in peoples urine than anything physical love could offer.

The plot gets a bit convoluted with all the players and conspiracies. Seagal and his two friends manage to break into a high security vault, steal the billionaire's fortune, and transfer it to the crooked CIA guy. I might have got this wrong, but I don't really are. In the process, Seagal kills like 20 cops. That's why I don't get how he's a mercenary for justice. It's just like Fire Down Below when Seagal killed an entire oil rig to save some seals. He frees his slain comrades wife and son and puts the mack down on the mom. By mack down I mean he didn't throw her through a plate glass window.

I enjoyed it and despite the low budget it's obvious that the exchange rate is good in South Africa. I still don't get how you can be a mercenary for justice and indiscriminately kill everything that moves, but that's what made this movie and Seagal in general so endearing. He operates on a different moral plane than the rest of humanity and you need to just accept that...Or he'll make you swallow your tongue.