Charles Bronson

IT WAS DEAD EVEN BEFOR IT HIT THE SHELVES.

El Chupacabra

Half Past Dead Plus Half Past Dead Equals Totally Dead

Half Past Dead featured Steven Seagal and Ja Rule. There's no getting worse than that. But wait, what's this, Half Past Dead 2? And instead of Seagal and Rule (last name?), they've been replaced by actors even lower on the rungs of Hollywood, Bill Goldberg and Kurupt. Then again, are they lower? Seagal's a triple threat, he acts, he sings, and he chops people in the Adam's apple, but Goldberg played NFL football, he wrestled, and he's turned to acting. Ja Rule sold a few million records, but then went the way of MC Hammer. Kurupt, though likely lagging in record sales, is at least still around. Okay, fine, they are both equally bad.

So if we take the original bad cast and replace them with an equally bad cast, and then we take away most of the budget, we end up with a movie that is destined for the 3 for $5 bargain bins at Wal-Mart. Half Past Dead 2 even managed to work in scenes from the first Half Past Dead, but their presence seemed discontinuous. It was more of an attempt to say "hey, check out these scenes from the first Half Past Dead that we worked in with some weak excuse and that we only included so we could remember happier days."

I would avoid Half Past Dead 2. If you really liked the original Half Past Dead, I suggest you just re-watch it as it would likely be a better experience even the second time 'round. Hell, it's on Spike TV and TBS so much that it's practically watching itself for you...!?

Eberts Thumb

Full Past Dead?

Why this movie was made is a mystery. Its not like the first Half Past Dead was any good. But this sequel makes the first one look Oscar caliber in comparison, or at least worthy of a People's choice award.

Kurupt takes the place of Ja Rule (although he was in the first one) as the rapper sidekick, Bill Goldberg replaces Steven Seagal as the invincible tough guy, and Alcatraz is replaced by a super max in Minnesota. Already this movie is less interesting. The plot is that Goldberg's daughter and Kurupt's girlfriend are trapped in the super max when a riot breaks out and the prison goes into lock down. The rival gangs (Mexicans vs. Blacks) fight for supremacy while the governor of Minnesota drops by for no other reason than to get kidnapped. Goldberg and Kurupt end up running around the prison getting into fights with gang members, then running away. Because of the incredibly low production values, they end up running down the same halls over and over, so the whole movie looks like a Benny Hill chase, only at normal speed and without Yakkity Sax playing. The helicopter shot at the end of the movie reveals this super max has no fence.

Avoid this one at all costs.