Crap Bag

The third major movie produced by WWE films this time staring Stone Cold Steve Austin as a retired Special Forces soldier that is also a black op agent. A TV producer decides to get ten death row prisoners throw them on an island and have them fight each other to the death. Each contestant is rigged with a bomb that will go off if tampered with, the red tab is removed or they are still alive after thirty hours. The last one alive after thirty hours gets his freedom and was cash to start a new life. Everything is to be broadcast live over the internet. Stone Cold gets drafted into this show after he beats the crap out of a potential contestant. As much of his background is a cover the producer decides to list him as being a racist that blew up a building full of retarded and handicapped people. One of the contestants played by Vinnie Jones is given a bit of an edge by the producer so that he can make sure that a show is put one. Stone Cold refuses to compete until Vinnie Jones brutally murders one of the cons Stone Cold tried to save. From that point on the death increases to include the TV staff as well when the producer stiffs Vinnie Jones for the prize money. Stone Cold kills Jones and then the producer as he is trying to escape before the US navy shows up to arrest him. The only remaining survivor is Stone Cold and the producers ex girlfriend. The plot is pretty good with some interesting situations on how some of the contestants die. Of particular interest was the black contestant confessing how it was a woman that got him pinched on a drug trafficking charge to the hot black chick contestant. It's during this sombre moment he fails to hear or notice that the tab has been removed from his bomb. His last words are "God damn it! The bitch got me again!" right before he blows up. If not for the horrible camera work during all the fight scenes that make it look like the person filming is drunk or just got hit by a stray punch, the fighting could have been considered quite descent. The best moment would be the news woman's moral speech on the whole issue of broadcasting such a violent program and that there are enough people whom would watch and keep watching. This moment causes a tear jerking reaction in everyone watching the news. This moment is followed by Vinnie Jones mowing down the production staff and Stone Cold coming in and finishing off everyone else. Nothing like answering a moral quandary with twenty more minutes of mindless violence.

Crap Bag's Ratings
Entertainment: 90%	B-Movieness: 75%
Quality: 90%	Regret: 35%

El Chupacabra

The solution to a media overhyped on violence is to stab it, shoot it, and blow it up.

Everyone said The Condemned was a hypocritical, hackneyed, sanctimonious, condescending movie that attempted to entertain the viewer with 90 minutes of brainless violence while at the same time chastizing the viewer for enjoying it. Well, everyone was right. But what's wrong with that?

The Condemned tries to made you feel guilty by having a reporter give a smug lecture to the movie's audience about media violence. The gist of it is that our thirst for entertainment of the lowest common denominator makes us as bad as the very criminals and rapists whose exploits entertain us. On this, the movie may have had a point, perhaps best made by the male character who plays the technician in charge of the camera cuts and commercial breaks. I can identify with him: he's young, he was probably raised on violent video games, and he has no problem with a bunch of criminals hunting each other like animals. That is until one of the animals makes his way into their base of operations.  You see the young technician whimpering like a child before he is killed in a hail of bullets. The point: we can enjoy the suffering of others as long as it is slickly packaged and we can dehumanize or otherwise justify the deadly fate of the "deserving victims".

Despite the attempt at a message on media violence, the movie's method for dealing with a violent media was to stab it, shoot it, and blow it up using ex-WWF wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin. Perhaps this simply reflects the genius of movie; their own hypocrisy. I somehow doubt it. Still, action movies are all about explosions and guns and explosions so in this respect The Condemned is not half-bad. Stone Cold plays a wooden, but serviceable action hero and the premise does manage to string together the guns and explosions rather well. It's not like this is a new idea, we've already had Running Man and Surviving the Game, but with the lack of classic 80's action movies nowadays, it manages to deliver to that portion of the population who get excited when someone gets kicked in the balls. Strangely enough, it is this same group who will probably tune in to 10 people fighting to the death on a tropical island.

El Chupacabra's Ratings
Entertainment: 70%	B-Movieness: 46%
Quality: 71%	Regret: 6%

Charles Bronson

CRIMINALS HAVE FEELINGS TOO.

Charles Bronson's Ratings
Entertainment: 65%	B-Movieness: 35%
Quality: 85%	Regret: 35%