Charles Bronson

THIS MOVIE WILL STAY IN THE SHADOWS FOREVER

Charles Bronson's Ratings
Entertainment: 80%	B-Movieness: 25%
Quality: 50%	Regret: 10%

El Chupacabra

Kung-fu + Zombies + Female Prison Drama = Weird Shit

Shadow: Dead Riot seeks to mash together as many disparate genres as possible. We have zombies, we have matrix style kung-fu, and we have a female lesbian, err... prison drama. You'd think this would come off like some sort of disgusting casserole your Aunt used to make, but it's so over-the-top that is ends up being quite entertaining. There's no way to guess what will happen next: will the movie's protagonist Solitaire uppercut a guard straight into the ceiling? Will there be a showdown between her and the huge black, bodybuilding prisoner named Mondo? Will Mondo make someone her Lesbian back-scrubber in an obligatory shower scene? Will zombies awake in the courtyard and overtake the prison, eating guards and inmates alike? Will the blood of a reincarnated serial killer give you a slight rash or super human strength? The answer is all the above and then some! Which is why this movie is a weird, but enjoyable lark.

The premise goes something like this. A serial killer named Shadow played by Tony Todd of Candy Man fame is on deathrow. When he receives his lethal injection, he manages to force blood back up the IV and then he explodes spreading blood all over the prison. This has the added effect of turning every prisoner into a zombie! The guards mow down the zombies with shotguns and bury the corpses in the prison courtyard in an ill-conceived cover-up. Fast forward several decades and the prison is now a female correctional facility where no one notices the stench coming from the large hump of grass by the goard tower. A new prisoner arrives named Solitaire and all efforts by Mondo, the body-building black woman, to reign her in (i.e., make Solitaire her bitch) end in hilarious all-girl kung-fu fight scenes where people get kicked 30 feet straight across the ground into walls. Meanwhile, the prison doctor has some of Shadow's blood and he's injecting the inmates trying to create a life-extending serum. Some inmates end up bleeding om the courtyard's grass and the blood seeps down and awakens Shadow and his undead army. All hell breaks loose, but they still manage to get in one more lesbian shower scene.

Don't expect the greatest acting, story, or production values, but overall it ranks up their with other fun B-movies. The gore was pretty gross and as usual Tony Todd was a creepy bastard who delivers his lines in the same gravely pitch... Like a black Steven Segal. It's not like any of the scenes were done particularly well, but the story, although confusing as hell, offered enough zany situations by pitting zombies against martials arts, Mondo against Solitaire, and women against a group shower. I'm tempted to accuse this movie of the spaghetti approach whereby a writer or director throws as much stuff at the screen as possible and hopes some of it sticks, but for some strange reason, random kung-fu fights, zombies, and large blck women making timid white women their bitches all seemed to enjoyably congeal together.

This movie was also similar to Ricky-O, a Japanese kung-fu prison drama, except it was less to do with a corrupt warden and more to do with zombies. Whether that's a good or bad thing or even makes any sense is up to you, but you should definitely check this this movie out to decide for yourself.

El Chupacabra's Ratings
Entertainment: 82%	B-Movieness: 84%
Quality: 36%	Regret: 25%

Eberts Thumb

2 out of 3 ain

Shadow: Dead Riot touted itself as martial arts action meets zombie movie meets womens prison drama (read:lesbians and group showers). It had zombies, and it had lesbians showering together, but it definitely fell short on the martial arts action. The fight scenes looked more like professional wrestling, which works in arenas, but not in prison locker rooms.

The story is pretty forgettable but they don't dwell on it too much. Shadow, a sadistic serial killer with special powers, is sentenced to death sometime in the 70s. Instead of dying slowly from a lethal injection, his body explodes and his blood starts traveling all over the prison. The blood infects the other inmates and turns them all into zombies. The zombies tear apart half of the prison guards, but the other half shoots everyone for good measure. The newly deceased get buried in a shallow mass grave in the prison yard, and everyone just kind of walks away.
Fast forward to present day, where the prison has become a Womens alternative treatment facility (prison). The new girl "Solitaire" shows up, and everyone either loves her or hates her before she even says a word. After fighting with some of the other inmates, their blood seeps into the ground, helping to reanimate the previous inmates. After Solitaire's bunk buddy delivers a baby in the yard, Shadow rises from his shallow grave and starts another zombie massacre.

The story is a bit of a mess, but they don't spend too long on any one part of it. For the most part the movie just from the main character to other characters we are supposed to know and possibly care about. The acting of these other characters makes it look like they didn't have a script per se, so they just improved everything. The main story line didn't make much sense either.

So if you came to watch zombies, you'll be mildly entertained. If you came to watch a womens prison drama, you'll be completely entertained. If you came for martial arts action, you'll be disappointed. If you came for story, you're SOL.

Eberts Thumb's Ratings
Entertainment: 80%	B-Movieness: 100%
Quality: 25%	Regret: 5%

Crap Bag

Prison babies look alot that alien from area 51

This movie proves how good the prison system is. The worst criminals get the biggest room, they are allowed to keep sharp objects, lethal injections cause people to explode, whenever there is a riot they just shoot everyone, the dead get tossed in a mass grave that's about four feet deep and rather then cover the grave with dirt they just lay some sod over it.  Also Tony Todd's blood will either turn you into Neo from the matrix or the incredible Hulk.  Let's not forget about the prison fights in the locker room after the 18 min shower scene a mandatory part of everyday prison life.

Crap Bag's Ratings
Entertainment: 80%	B-Movieness: 30%
Quality: 40%	Regret: 15%