El Chupacabra

1 millionth the budget of Armageddon, 10 times the male modelness

Antonio Sabato Jr. puts all those other astronauts who've saved the world to shame with his own take on the "giant ball of rock heading for earth to bring about the fall of civilization as we know it" genre. There's a couple differences this time around; first, he's way easier on the eyes than Bruce Willis and second, he doesn't actually go into space. Nope, he handles his shit from the comfort of what was obviously the generator room of a hydro-electric dam. If Antonio can't bring his bowflex on the space shuttle, then Antonio ain't up in that! The small town dam was supposed to be the control center of a large earth-based laser that possessed the ability to destroy large oncoming asteroids. Reminds me of that episode of the Tick where the evil guys burns his name into the moon with a laser.

Deep Impact was a pretty good case of a B-movie in my books and is sure to disappoint you in all the most hilarious ways! The stand out scene for me was when a bus load of army troops on their way to relieve the daytime guys is held up by Antonio's clever plot to empty the "military research facility" (re dam) of guards. He manages to convince the bus full of daytime troops to leave before the new shift arrives, and he stalls the nightime guys by shooting out one of the bus' tires. The sweetest part of the plan is when Antonio closes the chain link gate (and it takes forever to close). Ooh! Chainlink fence, that should keep them out. The bus finally shows up and ...OH MY GOD... The fence confounds them! "Why didn't they just run their bus right through the gate", I wondered to myself. And then it dawned on me. Whomever was graciously offering their hydro-electric dam as a filming location was like "whoa, not the fence, you can't mess with the fence, I just got that installed last week." So, instead of a scene you'd expect after seeing so many Hollywood action flicks, we are treated to a gaggle of soldiers patiently waiting for a gate made of chainlink fence to slowly open (and it took forever to open). Brutal, but real..ly attractive! That's how Antonio rolls.

El Chupacabra's Ratings
Entertainment: 90%	B-Movieness: 95%
Quality: 36%	Regret: 12%

Charles Bronson

WE WERE ALL SEEING WHO WAS GOING TO BE THE FIRST TO WRITE OUR REVIEW ON THIS.  IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE WE'VE SEEN THIS SACK OF CRAP AND I HAVE IT COMPLETELY BLOCKED OUT, WHICH I AM GUESSING IS A REALLY GOOD THING.  IT DOES HAVE ANTONIO SABATO JR. IN IT SO THAT MEANS I MUST OF BEEN LAUGHING AT IT'S STUPIDITY AT SOME POINTS.  IF ANYONE HAS SEEN THIS MOVIE - WRITE A REVIEW ABOUT IT.  IT IS A DARKNESS I NEVER WANT TO REPEAT.

Charles Bronson's Ratings
Entertainment: 75%	B-Movieness: 75%
Quality: 75%	Regret: 25%

El Chupacabra

Low Budget

A very low budget movie, yet it received top billing at blockbuster...2 or 3 rows of copies!!

El Chupacabra

So bad we haven't reviewed it?

We're working on it! :o)